I don't like going to bed alone. How did I do it all those years, I will never know. My personal heater is gone. He's away cuddling with an old bed spring apparently.
He had his friend play and record a song for me. It made me smile and laugh.
Being alone has new meaning with this deployment. I know I am not alone, but I feel alone. Late at night, into the dark cold nights I sit doing nothing productive.
Maybe hoping for something to encourage me to go to bed. I need to get out of this rut.
A trip, exploring, that always satisfies me.
Snap out of this self pity party that just does nothing but bring you down. I want to go running for miles and miles with no interruptions. Sounds funny considering I was feeling alone two sentences ago.
Last deployment I had respite care, a gym within 2 minutes of my house that was free and had a play area for the children. I utilized this everyday. Even on Saturday I would take all three of them just to have something fun to do. A friends house was connected to mine and so baby monitors were used and long conversations were had late into the night. Caramel popcorn movie nights were fun. I think I was more fun, because I was more energized. My well was being filled and therefore able to give more. I am feeling like I am in a drought.
Sorry for the personal nature of this post. Just had to talk to someone and most people are not awake at this hour. Maybe I just needed to be able to read this in a couple days and realize that I was sounding completely and totally self centered.
Ask and ye shall receive. My motivation to go to bed just woke up in his bed. Mason is like a mini heater, so he will do. I am going to snuggle with him. His door is shaking, then it stops like he is listening, then it shakes again. So cute.
Goodnight.
3 comments:
Hollie, this makes me so sad. I am so sorry you are so alone. I can't even imagine what you're going through. It makes me think of my sister-in-law, Michelle, though. She's in Germany right now with her 4 kids--all alone--while Kevin is deployed to Afghanistan. I'm sure she feels your pain. She's not on Base either, so extra alone. Too bad you two can't get together and watch Clueless or something like the good ol' days. You're in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing, Hollie, and I hope you know how many virtual hugs and loving thoughts come your way. I can only imagine how quiet those nights alone are - tempered with the lovely quiet of sleeping children. There's nothing like having your sweetie to share that grownup quiet time with. I hope the time flies by until he is there again -- except for the time when we visit! That time can go RREEAAALLLLYYYYYY slow! I love seeing the new photos and updates on your blog and check frequently hoping for new ones -- so you're making the rest of us happy when you post!
XOXOXO from Auntie L!
Wow that really hit home. I'm doing the same thing here with Dad gone for only a week! I couldn't do it for longer !
I'm so sorry this has to be this way for you and the family. Those precious kids...not totally understanding it all tears my heart out! So sweet about Mason wanting to look at his daddys pictures ect. Nice he can cuddle with you!:0
I just have been catching up on blogs and lots and lots of family history!!! It saves me. I spend hours on end. Also snacking in front of the boob tube, chewing my nails or feeding my face! Yes I too am in a rut! I hear ya! I need to break it too. You're doing a great job Hollie with your goals and enjoying the children. Being so involved in their lives. Hang in there! I love you.
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